i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
