I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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