sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
