Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
