I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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