i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
