Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
