i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
