Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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