Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
