Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
