If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
