Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
