He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
