So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
