you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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