So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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