Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
