Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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