I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
