i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its liver damage thursday
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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