This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
