Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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