i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
