I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
