ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
