i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
