he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize