just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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