i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
