Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
