I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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