it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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