you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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