this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
