Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
