dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
