I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize