I wish they made helmets for livers.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
