somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
