his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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