i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
