you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
