I love black thongs
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
