True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
