do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
