I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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