Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
