we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
