i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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