i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
