I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
