im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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