Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
