the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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