someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
