I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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