we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
