Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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