you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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