Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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