Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
