So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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