I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
