i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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